Thus Spaketh Idd Salim

5 reasons they suck! or don't...

Well, we live in a society where multiple personalities is the order (or disorder) of the day.

Everyone is unique, special and here for a purpose; just like everyone else.

But some few habits I have noticed are very annoying (degree varying in intent, situation and previous perception of the person).

The following are my top 5 Beef-Points with Kenyan Chics:

1 – The ‘Kila Dame ni Msupuu’ Myth

The good book states that we are all ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’. At least 3 out of every 7 Kenyan chics conform to the ‘wonderfully made’ category. These females are hot, nice, cute and THEY KNOW IT. The rest fall in the ‘fearfully made’ category. Like I noted in my blog-post about Ugandan Women, if the user interfaces (mostly the front-end) of this second category of Kenyan and Ugandan gals were to be compared, Ugandan Chics would be the Mac. Kenyan women are MS-DOS. DOS version 1. Then again, there is NO COMPE in the back-end. Ugandan women all have a nice and BIG future behind them.

And the worst thing that will happen is getting to a Matt or club and sitting next to this second category. Dame amechapa utadhani ni mChapanese. Then you talk to her. Just saying Hi. Just being kind to the unfortunate. To the beautilly challenged. Then she gives you attitude. FFFCUKKK off!!

2 – The ‘Wazungu wana Doo’ Myth

It is said that Black people are the most racist people on earth. They don’t like white people, black people or even pink people. We all know this. Plotless chics love accents. A ka-pointii or muhindi could be reeking of the ‘this-week-sijaoga’ cologne they like to paka but he will still get the first-mover-advantage on the chics. I know of a white jamaa who was being used by the thugs at Changes in westlands to steal from hot gals. Gals like and immediately trust the skin-color.

Not wazungus alone. Foreigners in General. Today’s Zuqka page 14 had a story of a Kenyan Chic who is ‘madly in love’ with a deaf guy from Burundi. Just because he is not Kenyan. My gawd!!

3 – The ‘Nitatulia Nikiolewa’ Habit

I know. There is nothing worse than inviting your campus friends to your wedding and they all smile after seeing who you are marrying. “Huyo dame ako sawa. Umeget wife mpoa.”, a ‘friend’ will tell you. He vividly remembers all the after-rave shagathons they used to have back in campus. How she would preemptively multi-suck 5-6 jamaas at Mamlaka. And then he looks at Pato, Kis, Mette, Msagha, Kabwili and Knoxx. And they all smile. They have all configured all her ports. And they know she is still giving them guest access.

“Manze hii si second-hand mzee, ni 36th-hand.”, a REAL friend will tell you. She is not the ‘road-less-travelled’ like you thought. She is like an CDN. Multi-user. Freeware. But she has you hooked. She is a signatory in your accounts. She has your baby. Jibambe.

4 – The ‘huyu msee ni ATM’ type

Yeah. We all know this type. Broke-ass chics trying to live large. Or maybe not necessarily broke. But there to milk you. From the first day you meet, she makes it clear. “You must take me out, for me to take you in”. And she won’t to go Bettys. It is too cheap. Full of common people.

My buddies who have been unfortunate enough to meet this type tell tales of how they immediately become commercial. I need a new phone. I need tampons. I need credo. Whatever happened to the Independent women we, ohh, so adore!!?

5 – The ‘sipendi machali coz my Ex did this and that to me’ type

No. I am not talking about lesbians. I got no beef with them. I love lesbians. I have a lot of lesbian friends. Yeah. I am talking about these sick, sad, little people who will categorize and profile you based on their past relationships. She will not go out with you coz ‘utamuacha kwa club’ just like her former broke-ass Ex did. She will not BELIEVE a single sweet word you tell her because her ex ‘used to tell her that too’. Fuck you!! This really makes by blood boil!

I just genuinely want to be a friend, but we CAN’T BE because ‘my ex told me that too and we ended up fucking’. Bitch! Grow up. Give a brother a chance and maybe he will show you what a REAL man is like. And help you erase all those memories of your loser ex-toyfriend.

#nimeponaSasa.

Back to code.

Wazi.