Thus Spaketh Idd Salim

Move on. Swiftyly...

I was in Mombasa a few days ago for the ICT Board ConnectedKenya Conference.  It was a good experience.

From watching stuck-up corporate chics (the i-don’t-need-a-man-coz-I-got-ma-own-cheddar type) change into nymphos after a few tequilas. From watching Salim sink in hard water. To watching an Epic JetSkii race between 2 very well known and respected companies in Kenya.

If there is one thing I realized was that when one door closes, a bigger, shinier one opens. Almost instantly. God/Allah/Jesus/Fate/Karma or whatever you call that force that maintains equilibrium is called, will never let you suffer.

But as I told Herbo and Mbugua, most of us sit there sobbing and pounding on the closed small door for so long, wasting away in a miasma of self-pity, for so long that the newly opened door starts shutting itself. Or worse still, someone gets into the new open house and locks it. Before you can even realize it had opened.  Then you start blaming the government, God, the weather. etc.

I got a nice comment on my earlier blog today (fuck! I did 3 blogs in the last 18 hours!!) . PK Said:

idd dont be frustrated the fight is never easy unless its a worthless one.U got too much talent to waste doing mpesa api’s only.Think of other ways to do the task u want to code,however long it will be.Work with banks(KCB mtaani,Equity agency,smaller banks too)They might start your movement too.Don’t kill yourself with telcos,also teach other developers to do that.then you’ll become a big team of developers with same vision so achieving it will be easier.Dont have bitterness with them, jus work,someone else will recognize it out there who will take it so high,you’ll be amazed.
If you dont believe me go downtown and see the way banks are taking mpesa head on.their transaction fees aren’t that high and they are all over like the mpesa stalls.they knew they couldn’t be following telcos to partner with them all the time n get raw money transfer deals.
Now jus work work work…..n make hizo system za ushete they have all the money dont thing like a 3050 cyborg

The message was clear. Don’t fight change. Don’t struggle to change what you can’t accept, especially after the wisdom you have dictates that what you don’t accept can’t be changed. Move on! Swiftly.

Life it too short.

Make love, not war. Create friends and allies. Not enemies. If you can’t join them, leave them. Don’t try to beat them.

You will find yourself mulling over deficiency once you narrow your options. Kama ni dem, kuwa na wanne. Kama ni deals, kuwa na fogo. Jipe options, but not too many. And you will always be happy.

Have a blessed day.

Back to code…

Wazi.

Kubali yaishe

And so, reality checks in. We are all going up a steep hill. All 1024 of us. But there is only room for 10 at the top. 4 of us seem to hold this fact to heart. They know it is true. 6 seem to think the world is fair and that things will/can/should change. Are you one of the 4, or the 6?

It takes one wrong step and you slip. Fall. Disappear. Now, we have 1023 left.

If you won’t fall, one of the the other 1022 will trip you. Get you out of the way. Whatever it takes.

And No. They are not being unfair. This is life. People must be examples. Others must be warnings. Clear warnings. Sacrificial lambs. The ones that take the brunt. While the rest cheer on. But when push comes to shove, they RUN and hide. “IddSalim said it. Not me”. They never conform to your ideologies. They know only 10 can make it. They cheer you on to self destruction. Just to reduce the number. Now there are 999 people left. Still a big number. But Smaller.

Everywhere I look, there is crime without punishment. Something needs to be done. But by who? When? How? Or do we just accept what we can’t change. Move on. Pretend nothing is happening? I think so. Slowly. Yes. Sad. I know. But what is one person vs a conglomerate? What is one soldier vs a platoon? Isn’t it easier to join them?

I receive alot of calls. “Salim, we have problems with our MySQL Database. We have lost the password. We need you to hack it.”. One things comes to mind immediately. Entrapment. Traps. All over. Big. Small. Traps. Run. Fast. Don’t look back. Say you can’t do that kind of job. Be seen like a bitch. But live longer.

When you fight by the side of monsters, you eventually become one of them. Repeat a lie long enough, and it eventually becomes the truth. Is the truth that they are hurting you, or is it actually you that is blindly hurting yourself. Daily. Obliviously. Would you rather be a poor/broke/struggling non-partisan purist, or someone else’s rich bitch?

Don’t fight when you are angry or hungry. You weaken yourself more. In more ways than 3. Ohh the questions, answer and hard facts of life. This life. One life. Short life.

Slowly, you find yourself conceding. The fight is hard. Support is harder to come by. Slowly, you watch a pussy grow between your legs. Sadly. As tears fall down your cheek. But you need this pussy.

You realize that you have only 2 options. Shut up, or conform. No room for rebels here. No renegades. No fact-speakers. MindSpeak is a myth.

Back to code…

Wazi.

Right field. Wrong Skills

I remember about a month ago, I met some campus kids who confessed to being : ‘Addicted to this blog’.

They were all over this nigga and whilst the hot and voluptuous mamsillas made me feel like the Old Pimpy and ready-to-roll IddSalim I was before I got saved (surrounded by ripe and ready-to-plug-and-play chics whose admin password is ‘redtape’), the jamaas were over-excited and needed reminding that I am not a Man United fan, so I did not do reverse engineering or Back-tackles. I am straight like an arrow.

So, one of the Jamaas started telling me how good he was in HTML (How To Meet Ladies), HTTPS (How To Toa Panties Slowly) and continued TMIing on how he was a guru in CSS (Countless Sex Styles). Gals LOVE my IT (Ingiza Toa) skills. Especially since I have a COBOL and I can C++. Hmmn…

“Good for campus life”, I thought to myself, “But what about real-life?”. Apart from creating a tudinyane environment in Campus, are we really doing enough to make sure the kids leave campus knowing the difference between Cutex and Mutex?

I remember in the ICT Board’s ConnectedKenya conference, one of the issues raised was that Campus kids are entering the Job market knowing nothing. Ok, not totally nothing. They can torrent and can ping servers to death. Then waseme walihack.

I have assisted many-a-kids with their FINAL YEAR projects and to my utter dismay, about 80% of them seemed to have first year knowledge in coding. In logic. In flow. In perception of the entire art of coding. It is very sad.

Then they have balls to say: “There are no jobs”.

If it were in my control, I would make it mandatory for any IT student to do offline coding for the final year. No google. No WDVL. Pure code. Then I would invite REAL coders to come and take on a project or 2 with the students in their final year. Make them understand the entire SDLC and have a feel of what it takes to do a system from start to finish. Even pay them.

But I am just a coder ranting on quality.

Back to code…

Wazi

Leisure, it was...

Where do I start. Kwanza gimme a few minutes to calm down this brobdingnanian erection. [frantically looking for ice-cubes or the 'sijiskii-leo-sweetie' herbal cream. Ama should I just watch an Arsenal game again. Ile ya spurs. Yes. There mzee ametulia. So, where was I]. Yes.

Herbo of VirtualCity, Mbugua, Denno of Google and Faith were my crews. And yes, tena, we rocked the place.

The ICT meetup at coast was huge. I was life from a different light. I am glad I came here. I am glad I am still here and thanks to flight delays, I am still stuck here till Wednesday. I met CEOs and CMOs and CTOs and ChiefDs. All Chiefs. Now the food is about to be served. I will use the entire easter to make sure my plates are clean. My forks are sparkling. My table is setup. No more excuses. #lessonLearnt

Equity is the Bank all developers should be looking at. That is what their presentation said. I will take up the challenge and see if they are for real. They said: ‘We have capacity and the willingness.’. This is huge. Unless the others style up, SAFARICOM and EQUITY BANK seem to be the way to go for any developer focused on Mkwanjalization. No one over the age of 4 (in terms of real-world coding experience) should be driving anything less than a Kompressor or struggling with simple bills. The time is here. The time is now. Quit ALL your jobs. Switch off your phones. No Emails. Clear your table. But only if you have the balls.

It is by eating out that one realizes that their mum DOES NOT cook the best food. Not even close. I saw this concept stretched. To both ends. Once the corporate type get drunk, their deeply hidden kijanaa gets out. #madameWakoPiwa. Once a married woman with a ring gets drunk in the Mombasa heat, their deeply hidden campo chic takes over. Married but can mingle.  #chumaRasimaIrareDani. If you know worramseng. But sitasema mengi. We are just humans. #lessonLearnt.

So. Code. Yes. I did an analysis of the winners of the awards and realized one thing. I am developing 2018 Apps. So complex for the judges to award. So advanced to be understood. So I need to step down in code and logic and thinking to win something here. I put this to test last week. And, Yes. I won the 2nd and third prize in the SevenSeas impromptu Ideas Challenge. With my simplest ideas. So, Focus on the simple. Since we are all simple beings. #lessonLearnt.

In conclusion, this is the situation. Achana na everything you are doing. Start afresh tomorrow. Delete all the 13 systems you are working on. Do ONE very simple but usable system. And this is my problem right here. I don’t like doing easy or simple projects. I am too sleek for that. But these are the ones that win grants. I won’t name names, but I have seen alot of no-brainer and kindergarten systems win big grants (millions) and awards for so long, I am having to reconsider my stand on unoma. Pia mimi nitaanza kuunda systems za ushete.

Mwache excuses. Sijui government, hatuna doo, hatuna psyche. Nini, nini. Skumeni code. But simple systems.

Back to simple code…

Wazi