Thus Spaketh Idd Salim

BBK - So much money, we turn away deposits

Well, today I am going to borrow a left from our very own immigrant from Tanzania who is known for his rants at any company, person, initiative, function, color, smell or sound. Word has it that he even has beef with his left shoe. In Uganda, they have a musician called Bobby Wine, but in Kenya, we have a Bobby Whine. Whining all the time. So, allow me to rant a-bit about Fuckin BBK.

I was having a good morning today. Woke up and finished 1 of the 3 SMS Apps I am meant to create today, finished the chapter on Application-level Preemptive multitasking in Java and had a long, warm shower. Ready to tackle the day.

My landlord still insists on a bank receipt at the payment of rent. So I cannot use the ohh-so-fuckin-cool-and-convenient online interface from the secure NIC Internet Banking solution I pay so expensively for every month. I have to go to the Bank and Queue.

I decide to head to BBK Yaya early to bank the loot. I know BBK Yaya is a for the poor people that think they have money, and it is, thusly, called Premier Business Executive VIP TunaDooMob NoPoorPeople Banking. [PBEVTDMNPP Banking].

So I had the pleasure of being accompanied by the lovely and beautiful @mariegithinji, who is my neighbor to the bank since she also wanted to pay her rent.  We went in, filled in the forms and her deposit was taken. Next.. Salim.

“Are you a BBK Account holder.”, The teller asked with a sneer. I think my goatee and my white Safaricom Business shirt told the teller, ‘Huyu msee hakai ana doo’. I felt like responding with, “Err, no bitch. I bank with NIC. Why would I have a BBK Account? You have no branch on Ngong road among 15 other reasons why I wouldn’t”… But sanity got the better of me and I told her, “I don’t bank with BBK, but my Landlord is a BBK PBEVTDMNPP Account holder. I am just here to deposit. Nice hair bytheway!”.

“We cannot accept deposits. You are not a PBEVTDMNPP Account holder.”. I looked around. It is 9:13am. Only me and Marie at the Bank. There are 4 tellers, all Idle. And they cant fucking take deposits!! 21 questions came to my mind. Are they not taking from specific people?. “What options do I have”, I asked her, politely. “You pay 900 bob and we will take your deposit, or go to ANY other branch.”

Prestige branches are meant to be a fast-branch for Premier Club Members. Understood. But, I believe the main difference between Humans and Computers is that humans (most), can reason and apply common sense. You work at a bank, Banks main source of revenue is deposits. There are NO queues. There is a person here with a 8 Centimeters High bundle of crisp notes. Take the fucking money bitach!! But NO! Not a BBK. Human robots.

I demanded to speak to the manager and started banging tables and kicking chairs. Not literally of-course. The retail manager was so busy doing manicure while gossiping with a female friend. So, I had to decide. Do I go back to iHub and code ama fight these rigid structures? I chose the former.

Back to code.

Wazi.