The stolen laptop, ball and the iHub match

What an eventful last 5 days!

At least 16 people I know lost their ‘stuff’. Laptops, phones, wallets, hope in life, virginity… name them!

The question lingers. How can Salim, a total teetotaler, lose his laptop? His tool of trade. “Ulipigwa?”, some asked. “Ofcourse not!”, I responded. “The bulge on my trousers would have scared off any would-be female assailant. Not to mention my Jujutsu, which would render any-sized person defunct.”

Laptop

So, how did it happen?

I normally leave my daily backups in a disk at iHub. But I was not planning to go to iHub from Thursday to Tuesday. Working from home. 4 days straight would get alot done. So, at 9pm, I packed all my stuff in my HP bag.

• The souped-up HP p8440 laptop [8 GB Ram, 320 GB HDD, Over-clocked Corei5].
• Samsung 640 GB Backup disk with all my data.
• Laptop Charger.
• Samsung USB Cables.
• Boobs mouse-pad and Normal Mouse-pad.
• Small-small geek toys.

So, I went to Qz, then K1 for reggae. I have reserved parkings at these 2 places, so security is never an issue. All I have to do is call and “hiyo parking tutakuwekea mkubwa” is always the response. I left Qz and all was there. Nothing stolen.

Then I went to K1. Played pool like a viper. won 11 games won in a row. Oh! what a night. Then I lost to a female. Her short skirt and full boobs were too distracting for a thug like me to focus on mere balls. So, I booked another game and I went upstairs where I met Mr Mimano chilling and billing while sipping and tipping. With him was Alindi and SirLV and some very happy looking fellas who greeted me with a wry smile and a limp handshake. Na hiyo story ikaishia hapo.

Time-check! 2am. A coder gotta go sleep. So, as I was heading out, I met a friend who asked for a lift to Ngong road. I obliged. Laptop iko. Nothing stolen. Drove all the way to Ngong Road Total Petrol station. Decided to stop and buy some Ngwati-ken (kuku-porno). And this is where it happened.

Normally, I lock the car and go, do some munching, and then drive home happily. But since there was someone kwa ndai, I left the music on and the doors closed, but unlocked. Went to order and 5 mins later, walked out. I found the son of a busted condom asleep. Blacked out. with the door open. And no laptop. Total loss: Approx USD 2000 hardware.

The rest is history.

It is during times of calamities like these that the real friends manifest themselves. All someone needs sometimes is just an ancouraging tweet, SMS or phone call. Team Salim-ni-wetu sent me these. The DGAF could not care less. Unsurprising. They DonGiveAFck.

So, fuck it.

I spent the whole of Friday installing my working environment on Anastacia (my old, faithful laptop) and also calculating the loss. With all the DropBoxes and SVNs, I still lost 5 weeks worth of work. I had to make a few sad calls to a few clients and cancel projects, refund deposits etc. Sad. But necessary. Otherwise pressure ingenimada.

Ball

The writing was on the wall. Dortmund just needed to win their derby against Monchengladbach to win the Bundesliga title. They won 2-0. And won the title. Kudos!

Real Madrid just needed to avoid defeat against the Spanish soap opera of divers and referee-decisions FC. The Man Urinals of Spain. They won. They just need 1 win and 1 draw to win the La Liga. Kudos!

Back in England, Man-chesthairs Yawwwwwnited just needed to beat Everton at Sold Trafford and ASSURE them of the 2011/2012 title. They could not handle the pressure. Now all Man City needs to do is win all their games. And there is nothing the divers can do to stop them from taking the title.

iHub Match

Venue: Kilimani primary school. iHub Nairobi’s Code FC was to play their first game of the Kenyan Division 4 football league against the Red Catalans. A team full of brobdingnagian fellas. The smallest dude had a show of size 9. They made the ball look like a pool-white ball. They gave the ball boys a hard time fetching the ball from Kawangware and from Hurlingham.

But iHub was unrelenting. Captained by Erik and rallied by Fender and Pires they cut through the catalans musculo-epithelial frame defenders like a hot-knife through butter. The Merciless attack of iTosh, Pires and William could be stopped. But only for a short time. iHud emerged victorious.

Back to code.

Wazi!