Thus Spaketh Idd Salim

Take 2? How about Take 8.

Yes. Yesterday I decided to leave Anastacia (My Laptop) alone for the night and go out. Meet humans. These needy humans. Capable of errors and annoyances. Vulnerable to spewing careless utterances. Inundated in various deficiencies. Yes. Go out and meet these humans. The risk-factor was ameliorated by the fact that Man Urinals had just won the title. I was determined to make this a good night. Football ends after 90 mins (ama 98 minutes depending on the score). But life goes on. We have bigger bugs to crush.

So, I decided to do 8 things I have never done before. In one Night.

1,2,3 – Poetry, Front-Row, Callousness

Yes. I went to the Secrets. Was greeted heartily by Wamathai. Always smiling. Was disappointed that the damage was only USD 1.8. Wanted to pay more but @fivefoottall insisted, “You only pay what you are charged, sir!”. So I took the front-row. “Impress me!”, I callously uttered. Aloud. Silently. Ohh, Impress me, they did!

One after the other, the creme-dela-creme presented. Namtsi Lukoye (Think I am an Artist), Kijana Mrefu, Moraa (Quantum Physicist – complaining about all the lousy campus sex), Nuru Bahati (Skinny jeans, fat genes… The beef of vegetarians, bride never gets the best man, mistakes looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up), TearDrops (Still waters.), WanjikuMwaurah (She was only 14, Spare me), Achieng Odhiambo – Shaking hands, Murathe (She makes me wood – Ananifanya nimbao. His past tense is his future confidence), Gloria (Nairobi, nairobi. Watch me shine), Abu Sensei (Annoyed. Idea is the most resilient parasite, never under-estimate the power of Stupid people in large groups – Homer. I need inspiration to write.), Siel (Seal? – You are like a game I dont like. I won’t play you.), Art-Child (Ukambani huwezi ongea matope. Luhyas love jogoo Road.), GrandMaster Masese (Dictators and DickDakers), Lonesone Bounty and Ras. Super!

4, 5, 6 – StreetJam, Capri7, Rugby

Yes. Kudishnyao. For me, it actually just served as foreplay for the grand-meeting of the tweeps at  Capri7. I finally found out where Mwendas was. Then headed to Capri.

At Capri, I met the Twitestic 6. @Mwirigi @mkaigwa @SupremeGREAM @Buggz79 @Jacquendinda @muniu. We talked business, pusiness, about a VB DLL camouflaging as an OCX, about opportunities and Rugby.

7, 8 – Pool Hustling, Conspiracy

Yes. The night needed to end. At 12PM, I checked into Qz. As routine, there always is this campus jamaa who has malizad the 2k he had carried and has some HOT mammas who want more. the boy is confused. The PussyHunters smell blood. “Hey gorgeous. Whatchu sippin?”, would be the vibe. But not tonight. We were focused on pool. 6 holes are better than 1 (or 2. or 3).

I was with my boy Peter, and next to us was this jamaa who was feeling HOT in pool. So we decided to hustle him. We played the first game for KSHS 200 per game. We let him win. We played another. For 300. We let him win. He was ecstatic. We upped the bet per game to KSHS 1000. We let him lose. He appealed. We let him lose. We lost KSHS 500. He lost KSHS 2000. Who’s the biatch now!?

4AM. It was time to go. I left Peter racking them up as I went to RedTape. I met some iHub coders and they talked to me about some scary and ‘be careful Salim’ kind of vibe. The filled me in with conspiracy stories about mLab, AkiraChix, Grants, Pivot25, iHub, Thika Road, Kukubo etc. “I hear you”, was all I could say. I was sober. They was not. Maybe this is the Alcohol Truth. The REAL truth. But I still remain Impartial.

5:13Am. Home. Bed. Thinking. Inspired. Humbled. Full pockets. Full swing.

Back to code…

Wazi.

Ohh what a night!

Well, what a night yesterday was! I met buggz and the 17 musketeers and it was a night during which my confidence capacity was ameliorated indeed. I met 3 groups of people.

The first category was the ‘Salim Keep on what you are doing’ crew. This was a group of IT jamaas who are impressed by my blogging and want to read more.

Then there was the ‘Salim called us a pussy’ crew. They were an uncomfortable lot to deal with.

Then, finally. the ‘Salim let us work together on a project’ brigade. I was humbled and felt appreciated. I met some Hackers who wanted to know how to commercialize their skills of hacking servers, lans, VOIP and WAN eavesdropping, war-driving etc.

I was disappointed to a little extent when some were asking me about the latest hacking tools. “That is a script-kiddie mentality”. I retorted. The tools cut down your work, but don’t let them define your toolkit. The most important hacking tools you have are your eyes and brains. “How? Demonstrate!”, one challenged. So, being the good teacher I am, I opened up the eBanking interface for some website for a Westlands bank designed by Craft Silicon and also a stock-broker e-Trading website and demonstrated how a website, not hackable by all the tools and exploits available can be hacked by simple OBSERVATION.

I could see the glee and admiration in their eyes. #noHomo.

An then I met JM of Safaricom who reiterated that Safaricom is here to help and is evolving with demand. Then he gave me a challenge. And that is all I can say. Words like ‘Range Rover Sports with custom Number-Plates [IDDSALIM] come to mind.’ #MezaMate.

Then again, I sent my apologies to Eva of Safcom via JM and also to the Mpesa Department for writing an article entitled ‘Hacking Mpesa for Fun and Profit’ that led to the revoking of all my Mpesa Client SSL Certificates and Paybill Accounts. You all know that story by now. No time for grudges here. Let us make peace and INNOVATE!

The I met some ex-google employee and she took me through a google-style grueling interview on what I think Google should focus on as the BIG thing in Africa. I shared my thought. Scantily of-course. I love Google so much that when i want to chew gum, I buy Big G.

The unbeknownst to Salim, it was heading to 11PM. People were getting tipsy on the nice wine. I met this chic who told me that she was still running on her default factory settings and that she was wondering if I could configure her. As always, I was sober. I was sipping on Gum, and redbull. #Silewagi. So I responded using a technical answer. “Error: Not enough di*k space in your drive C”. Tunaweza pata buffer overflow. Ama child-processes kama 51.

After iHub started calming down as people left to go to something-something-7 in hurlingham, yeah, Capri7, we got our FREE Drinks vouchers by Google (yes. Big G also has free drinks. Si free lunch only.). I gave my voucher out since I don’t do vouchers. I pay.

And then I went to westlands. And that is all I will share.

Back to code.

Wazi.

One of the worst enemies of a coder, especially one working from home, is lethargy. There is always the feeling that you are all alone and that nobody cares.

So, to eschew this banal and excruciating miasma, I decided to pass by iHub yesterday. I knew, here, I would meet fellow coders and people who won’t think I am crazy.

On entry, I met Jessie. As always she welcomed me with her angelic smile and warm handshake. ‘Welcome Salim. Long time no see.’. I immediately felt at home.

The I saw my favorite coderess. Linda. ‘Salim, Juka uketi na sisi.’, she ordered. I went sat and she was working on Ushahidi. We discussed some code stuff, ideas and She ordered lunch for me.

Then came in Judith, my favorite PHP coderess and we discussed a project she was doing for me.

Linda then introduced me to Susan, a J2ME addict. I spenta good bit of the afternoon educating her on the various options for J2ME LaF UI frameworks available, the Pros and Cons of each and how to choose.

The I took her through the various Data Structures and Algorithms in C++ and Java.

I must say it is truly refreshing to chat and spend time with females and not, even for a moment, think about how to trick her into finding how much diks space she has in her driver C. Truly noble.

Going to a place like iHub is very healthy for a coder and a coderess and helps in transmogrifying hubris. Here you meet with all manners of people. Coders, Hackers, Unix Admins, Cisco Gurus, Marketing Pros and even Agostas.

Guess where I am heading…

Wazi.

Back to code.