Thus Spaketh Idd Salim

Kenyans will believe ANYTHING!

So, yesterday after coding from 9am to 10PM, I was just chilling and billing while waiting for the killing as I continue my money-machining.

I decided to watch a comedy as a warm-down. I slotted Michael McIntyre Wembley DVD and as i laughed my glutes off,  I logged to on 2go as went to the Nairobi chat room.

Normally, there are over 40+ chatters heres. Only 13 guys were there in this night. Strange. “Ohh well, they must be on the Kenya room”, I thought. I adjusted my crouch and switched to the Kenya room. 10 people in Kenya room!

Hmmmn… Why are people offline today? I wondered. Could they all have finally got hook-ups and were on “Masaa ya Kubambwa na kushikwashikwa’? All at once?

I was feeling social and all chatty. Living in a big house all by myself can be a very lonely ordeal sometimes. So I decided to call someone, whisper sweet nothings to her, then sleep. I checked my airtime on my Zain Line, and it took 2 SMSes for my credit balance to be sent to me. Too many zeros. #LotsaMoney!

My friend picked up the call. Real FEAR in her voice. ‘Salim, is that you?’, She asked. ‘No, it is the gay oogambooga boogie man from Timbuktu!’, I answered in my indian-patel-robot voice. (am very good in voices. Indian, Somali, Kamba, Alien and Robot). Clang!! She hang up! This hot mamsilla never hangs up on Salim. She knows my number and my swagger. So, I called again. She did not pick up. I sent her a sweet SMS and called. She asked me to check out Facebook.

I checked Facebook and was confused. Then I called her and I was enlightened.

“There are these guys who are calling people and if you pick up the calls, you DIE IMMEDIATELY!”, She said. “10 people have died in Ukambani already. They are also using SMS texts to kill people. The phonecalls come from a number ending with 999 or 98 and the number shows as RED on your phone. Even the MulikaMwizi black-and-greed phones phones show the numbers in red. The SMS text is yellow/purple/green on all phones.”

I scrolled through some Facebook posts and was dumbfounded by what I saw.

“Someone on Campo just received such a call!”, one stated, “It is all over Easy FM news. The INSTANT death is caused by radiation.”.

Well, I can send an SMS to your phone that will restart the phone, send an SMS that will self-destruct on a set amount of time, etc.. but COME ON!!

I decided to call random numbers. Just for the kicks. It amazed me how many people had their phones off out of the utter fear of Kifo Pap! My Guys friends (especially the gay ones) and chics either never answered the phone, or answered with real, tangible FEAR reeking out of their breath.

My Gawd! What next? The midnight nipple-nibbler phenomenon? Where a strange man appears in your bedroom in the middle of the night and starts nibbling (well I know people who will relish this), and the only way to top him is to SMS ‘noNibble’ to 6090?

Grow up people! Read a book.

Back to code.

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Cry baby? Again?

Please let me put in 7 laughs Kwanza for Safcom. – Ha… Ha… Ha… Ha… Ha… Ha… Ha…!

Michael Joseph was ranting on KTN as 2 PM today about this deal.

Thanks to the new Zain Tarrif. You can now call for3 bob per minute to ANY network in Kenya.

Safaricom has BLOCKED all calls to Zain as at 1PM Kenya time. Most of the Safcom calls were calls from jamaaz telling jamaaz tu SHIFT to Zain. Talk of viral migration.

This morning, Safcom had 15M+ Subscribers. I predict they will have only Mwai and 4M others by close of day.

The only reason I had kept my Safaricom line was because of Mpesa. Now I have Zap. Now, Zain just needs to stream-line Zap and work with local developers and Zain will rule this Market.

More later.

Back to code!

Wazi.

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One API to rule them all...

Great day today for Kenyan coders. Ok, let us say, EastAfrican Community coders, for political correctness. I don’t even know how to break this news, so I will just do it my plain no-beating-around-her-bushes method. No, the Octopus has not predicted that Safaricom, MTN and Zain will start supporting local innovations. No. The octopus would rather die than err. To err is to human; not to octopus.So, the hustle continues.

As a CSR, being  head of a team of very gifted coders at Symbiotic, I had committed to head the Pay.Zunguka Gateway and API development team and see to it that the Pay.Zunguka API was out before Mid May 2010. But one thing did not lead to another, and we had to inevitable delay the launch.

Well, here it is now. The API. The EuberAPI. One API to rule them all.

Download the API NOW!!

So first things first. What is an API, you would ask? Huh? You are having a larf if you expect me to answer that!! The API has been developed in PHP, jQuery and MySQL and the documentation provided with it makes it totally idiot-proof. Anyone and everyone can use the API and start earning from their hustle, Immediately! All transactions from Mpesa/Zap/yuCash will hit your system, via the API in 5 seconds. Anyone who can copy-paste, can use the API.

Safaricom have indirectly played ball this time round, so flawless end-to-end mPesa support is the first feature of the API. I hope this will not make them Mad. My QA team is still testing the ZAP and yuCash modules, but jump to it. Play with the fully working mPesa support and share your thought on the approach, the model, the logic and the illogic.

If you are a ‘BIG’ fish (read a big corporate with a lot of sensitive transactions) and don’t want to use our API as a payment aggregator, we can license the actual product. This would apply to guys like DSTV and KPLC. So instead of waiting for 48 hours for the transactions to hit their backend system, we can guarantee KPLC customers that their bills paid via Mpesa/Zap/yuCash will be reflected in their account within 5-7 seconds. Cute huh!

Like all my friends will tell you (real friends, not facebook jokers), I believe in seeing, showing and action. Si mdomo mob. So dive right into it! Visit http://pay.zunguka.com/ NOW and have a blast !!

Wazi.

-Salim, Idd

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This is part 1 of 3 of my Facebook Notes sequel on the pain I went through before getting my passport at Nyayo House, mainly because I had Muslim Names, despite the fact that I am a Meru.

At this point, I had already paid the mandatory fees, submitted my Birth Certificate, ID, PIN etc… All that was documented as mandatory documents in the application forms. I had also waited for double the 2 weeks waiting period. All I had planned to do that day was just go pick up my passport.

Ohh no! Not with the names ‘Idd Salim’, I came to lean painfully!

9:16 am
Went to outside tent and was referred to counter 14. Went to counter 14.

Attendant : ‘What are your names?’,
Me : ‘Idd Salim’
Attendant : ‘Enda Counter 13′,

Went to counter 13 with a smile. ‘YES!! Gonna get it leo!’, I thought. Met this annoyed lady in specs.

Me: ‘Habari ya asubuhi Madam’
Attendant : ‘Leta receipt na ID!’,
Me: ‘Ok.. Shika hizi hapa’
Attendant: ‘Ati Idd, Salim? Come after 3 weeks!’
Me: ‘But I was told passports are ready in 2 weeks max. And I applied 4 weeks ago!’
Attendant: ‘Next!!’

So I go back to the tent outside. Greeted the same tent lady with my usually charming smile and radiant eyes.

Me : ‘Madam, Nina complaint. I was told it will be ready in 2 weeks, na 4 weeks have passed. Sasa naambiwa nirudi after 3 weeks.’
Attendant: ‘Kama una haraka, enda ukacomplain kwa mdosi.’
Me: ‘Mdosi? Mdosi mgani?’ – I actually thought she was talking about Kibaki.
Attendant: ‘Enda room 16.’

At room 16, I met a very warm and friendly mdosi. (Funny how in Kenya, it is ONLY the small insignificant people who give you hell in all aspects of life. The wadosis are ALWAYS cool and OK.). he listened to me with empathy and checked my receipt and ID and took out a note-pad.

Mdosi : ‘Enda First floor and look for Ndambuki. Atakusaidia. Usiwe na shaka’

Went to first floor (OK, second floor then u take the back corridor fire-escape stairs to floor 1). Meet nice and smiling people willing to help all over. ‘Kwa Ndambuki ni pale’, One directed.

Kwa Ndambuki. Knock! Knock!, I greet a madam I found there. ‘I have been sent to meet Bwana Ndambuki’.
Lady :’This is his office, lakini ametoka. But I can help you. Leta receipt na ID’. She types in a URL of the Immigration System running as a JSP Web Service. ‘Url Not found!’

Lady : ‘Hii computer yangu ina shida, so let me call someone to help. Calls some extension and gets the Bad News.’:I Overhear : ‘Ati Muslim Name.? Ni suspect? Lazima Interview? OK’. She says : “Wewe enda room 8, Tafuta Bwana Lang’at”‘

Room 8. Closed. Waited outside for 20 Mins. The comes a gentleman called Lang’at.

Me : ‘Nimetumwa kwa Bwana Lang’at’
Lang’at : “Ni mimi. Karibu Kiti.” – Very warmly and in a read-to-serve mode.
Me : ‘Sasa niliapply for passport 4 weeks ago, na bado’
Lang’at : “Ehh! That is so LONG bana. Lemmi check. Hii tutamaliza leo. Usijali. We are here to serve you’. – Ohh!! what a good change in the government lingo.
Lang’at : “Ahh! Kuna shida hapa. Idd Salim. Hmmmn…”. – He refers me to the next desk.
Lang’at : “Saidia huyu Kijana. Ni Muslim, but from Meru. Mpe recommendation apate Passport. Go to his desk”

Guy 2 : ‘Ati Idd Salim. You will Never ever get a Kenyan Passport with those names’. He shows me some examples of Kenyan Names.
Josephat Njorge Mwaura, Owino Ochieng Omondi, Kimani, Wachira, Lagat, Chepdinya, Omolo.
Guy 2 : ‘Did you see any Abdi or Jamal or Salim there?’
Me : ‘So tufanyeje mzee. Mimi nataka tu passport’
Guy 2 interviews me about my parents. I am from a single-parent family and my only parent (my mum), died in 1998, December 28th.

Guy 2 : “Because of this Salim Idd names. You will never get a passport unless you bring your mum’s death certificate and birth certificate” – tears fill my eyes. Damn! I thought I was strong, but the mention of my late mum exposed the pain of losing a loved one.

Guy 2 : “Ungekuwa unaitwa Kimani ama Omondi ama other Kenyan names, Saa hii hii ningekupa passport.”

Guy 2 : “Last option, look for her National ID”…. What?????

Back @ Office

So I am googling for that ID. And unless I get it. No Passport.

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On Tuesday, I had the pleasure of being in the same room with some very influential development oriented people. Meeting was held at ICT board, hosted by PK. Invited were Symbiotic, MobileMonday, Safaricom, Top PRSPS and Developers in then Kenyan Mobile Arena

It was a good meeting of minds and well worth the time and effort. For Once, I was in a room with some guys from Safaricom who had their brains bigger than their Egos.

Present

Paul Kukubo – Head of ICT, Lewela and Kaburo

2 Peters from Safaricom, Sylvia Mulinge,

Salim, Timo from SMC, Wesley from Letti Games, Cellulant, Adtel and IMS teams.

Absent

All other Jokers in the country.

Agenda

• Why Safaricom is seen as a monster by Kenyan Software developers. Perception being that most ideas sent to Safaricom disappear at the Marketing department and and get ‘stolen’ to make Safcom all this BILLIONS, while the real inventors languish in poverty.
• How do we as inventors and developers work together with Safaricom and make a living out of code.
• What are the key failure factors met by developers while dealing with Safaricom.

Mangumi na Mateke

The top 2 issues and responses are as listed below.

ISSUE: The current locus standi is grim and really pathetic. Wesley argued that Apple Automatically gives the developer 70% shares and keeps only 30%. This encourages the developers to innovate and pays them immediately. Safaricom and the PRSPs take over 75% leaving the developer with a measly and satanic 25%. As if that is not enough torture and an abuse of human rights, the developer WILL NOT get paid until after 4 months. A Kenyan Mobile developer CANNOT live on code, unless they decide to follow the path of the weak and prostitute themselves and get employed

RESPONSE: Safaricom expressed willingness to shift the revenue shares to the favor of the developer. Developers will get as high as 90% of the money they bring. Systems that bring DATA traffic and thus bring residual income to Safaricom, e.g. Sembuse from Symbiotic, will also attract special treatment and revenue share models from Safaricom.

ISSUE: There are SO MANY requirements from Safaricom before a developer can get to the platform where their services reach the market. CCK Licence, PRSP Licence etc.

RESPONSE: This challenge fell to the PRSPs. It is, obviously out of the Safaricom domain. Adtel and IMS expressed willingness to incubate developers and their systems [Apps, Games, Ideas] at a very sexy revenue share.

There is a positive vibe from Safaricom at last which might indicate the following:

• The actual problem and cause of the ‘Safaricom ni Madogi’ movement in Kenya by coders is due to the red-tape between the entry-level marketing department and the upper tier. I remember going with a proposal to SafCom and Evah from VAS asking if we were read to accept 5% revenue share while SafCom kept 95%. I felt like crying. Maybe she was Joking. Meeting people higher up makes you realize that SafCom aint all that bad.
• Safaricom have started to realize that Voice and SMS are dead! The next frontier for MSP Mkwanjalization is DATA and DATA driving solutions. Step in Java Developers!
• Safaricom have started to smell the coffee. Which is good. Of late, they have just been inhaling the AC!

Lemmi go back to code. Mbugua is giving me that ‘you have not coded for 12 minutes straight’ eye! And No, Deno, Safaricom have not ‘onad me kando’ to do a positive blog about them. Good stuff is happening.

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